We may earn money or products from the companies mentioned in this post.
My Mom has Dementia and She Hates Me
The person who has replaced my mom does not like me a lot of the time. It is not every day but a couple of times a week. She does not like my cooking, my bossy demands or my punctuality. I feel love for her all the time but dislike some of the things she says to me.
How to Deal with a Parent with Dementia
Mom was diagnosed with dementia one year ago. One of the first signs was double-paying bills and sending multiple birthday cards to her grandchildren. I shrugged it off for a while. Then I started noticing she was forgetting things that just happened. My brother and I were concerned. We decided to mention it to her physician. She was then tested and confirmed to have dementia. We experienced severe sadness at first but then wanted to learn more about her condition and how to help.
PIN IT! Mom and I at the Beach
How to Talk to a Parent with Dementia
Number one and right off the bat is Do Not Correct. I did this so many times and kept hitting a brick wall and to be honest, I still do it. A person living with dementia gets things mixed up easily. It does no good to correct. Her brain is doing the best that it can. Try to work on changing this habit as soon as you can.
Leave Out Details
Leave out details. I have been told to keep my sentences very short. Giving my mom details in advance causes her severe anxiety and she will worry for days. I cannot give her choices either. I have to pick for her or give her two things to choose from.
PIN IT! Mom and Daughter
Stop using the word “Remember”
I still mess up and do this. She does not remember and she will never remember. It is sad but true. She might recall years ago but not what she ate for breakfast or who called her that day. I have to do the remembering now. One of the most difficult things during this process is learning how to change the way I communicate with her.
Dementia with Negative Behaviors
Most negative behaviors are from an unmet need such as frustration, fear, pain, a disagreeing medicine, or their environment. Try to figure out what might be the cause of their aggression or negative behavior. It is not easy but sometimes you can figure it out.
People with Dementia need Reassurance
My mom is not trying to be difficult. Her brain does not work like it used to. She is looking to me for reassurance. I have to be that for her even if I have to walk away and take a break from her same questions over and over. She is desperately trying to keep up and she realizes something is wrong with her.
PIN IT! My mom has dementia
Continue to see her as Whole and Complete
I admit that there are times when I do not see her as a whole and complete human being. If I am busy working on something and she is asking me the same questions over and over I am not nice all the time. For that, I am so sorry. It keeps me awake at night! The only thing I can do is get up the next day and try harder. The good news is she does not recall that she was even mad at me. I remember but she does not!
PIN IT! Taking care of a Feral Cat
Role Reversal when caring for a Parent with Dementia
Having to be the bossy one in control of a parent is the hardest thing to do. I am getting better at it but there are times when I am such a wimp. She cries several times a day. I hear her crying as I am writing this now. I stopped and asked, “what is wrong?” She says “I am sorry I do not cook anymore” I reassure her that we do not need her to cook. I then ask if she is hungry. She is so I give her an orange. She might be happy for a few minutes and the same conversation may come up again.
JOY FOR ALL Ageless Innovation Companion Pets | Black & White Tuxedo Cat | Lifelike & Realistic
Cat-like movements & sounds: our revolutionary vibrapurr technology gives the cat an authentic purr that sounds and feels just like real purring. A real cat would, our companion pet cat is able to open and close its eyes, lift its Paw, open its mouth and move its head and body. The companion pet cat also has synthetic, soft, brushable fur inspired by real feline breeds.
Built in sensors: using the built in sensors, our companion pet cat responds to motion and touch such as Petting and hugging, much like the real Cats you know and love, but doesn't require any special care or feeding.
Additional images:
Price:
Buy Now
JOY FOR ALL Ageless Innovation Companion Pets | Black & White Tuxedo Cat | Lifelike & Realistic
Cat-like movements & sounds: our revolutionary vibrapurr technology gives the cat an authentic purr that sounds and feels just like real purring. A real cat would, our companion pet cat is able to open and close its eyes, lift its Paw, open its mouth and move its head and body. The companion pet cat also has synthetic, soft, brushable fur inspired by real feline breeds.
Built in sensors: using the built in sensors, our companion pet cat responds to motion and touch such as Petting and hugging, much like the real Cats you know and love, but doesn't require any special care or feeding.
Additional images:
Price:
People with Dementia want to feel Productive and Needed
It bothers my mom that she does not feel productive or needed. At age 86, she has leukemia and dementia. I can see that she tires after lunch more than usual. She still uses her broom and sweeps the floor. Routine is very important to her even now. She apologizes a lot about not being able to do the things she used to do.
Finding a Note she wrote a Couple months Ago
I found a note she wrote a couple of notes ago in one of my composition books. It starts by telling where she lives and how old she is. She continues by stating she is watching TV and it is 945 am. The next sentence kills me. She says, “I feel lost and alone right now. I am the only one retired. This is not a good feeling. I need support. Help me. ” I read it over and over to let it sink in. She is telling me how she feels. I need to do better and make her feel safe and happy. I feel so helpless.
Memory Care Support
We have had our first appointment at Memory Care. We know there is no cure for dementia but have heard there are some meds that might keep her from not getting worse. I start a Caregiver Education Program in a few weeks. It is called “Caregiver College” and I am excited about that. I have so much to learn.
PIN IT! This is my mom and Pippa. She is the great-grandmother
Dementia and Rude Comments
This is a challenge for me. I try to keep in mind it is the disease talking! It is challenging and not easy. Walk away, take a deep breath, take a break, read inspirational quotes, call a friend, read the Bible, and do whatever it takes to shake off your hurt feelings. Do not even attempt to argue or talk back no matter how hard it is to hear rude comments or accusations! It does not work. Remind yourself you love this person!
Resources for Dementia Help
I have a few favorites on YouTube that I would love to share with you. Teepa Snow https://www.youtube.com/user/teepasnow/videos, Dementia with Grace https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCFJ1a2l0rc28KYUTHvSQ5LQ/videos and Careblazers https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVgK5-w1dilMx7bPVB5yNug/videos
American Lifetime, Newest Version, Day Clock Extra Large Impaired Vision Digital Clock with Battery Backup and 5 Alarm…
Make sure this fits by entering your model number.
✔ KEY FEATURES - This unique 8" High Resolution Digital Alarm Clock clearly spells out the time, period of the day, full day of the week, month and date in large, clear letters - with no confusing abbreviations.
✔ BATTERY BACKUP + UNIQUE FUNCTIONS - The Day Clock by American Lifetime is the only one of its kind to include 5 multi-function alarms, with the option to set reminders to take medications throughout the day. This Day Clock also has a BATTERY BACKUP in case of a power outage, in which case it will be retain the correct time and date when the power returns.
Additional images:
Price: $58.95
Creating Moments of Joy Along the Alzheimer’s Journey: A Guide for Families and Caregivers, Fifth Edition, Revised and…
The beloved best seller has been revised and expanded for the fifth edition. Jolene Brackey has a vision: that we will soon look beyond the challenges of Alzheimer's disease to focus more of our energies on creating moments of joy. When people have short-term memory loss, their lives are made up of moments. We are not able to create perfectly wonderful days for people with dementia or Alzheimer's, but we can create perfectly wonderful moments, moments that put a smile on their faces and a twinkle in their eyes. Five minutes later, they will not remember what we did or said, but the feeling that we left them with will linger. The new edition of Creating Moments of Joy is filled with more practical advice sprinkled with hope, encouragement, new stories, and generous helpings of humor. In this volume, Brackey reveals that our greatest teacher is having cared for and loved someone with Alzheimer's and that often what we have most to learn about is ourselves.
Additional images:
Price: $10.42
Dementia Caregiver Guide Paperback – November 1, 2018
This simple, easy to read, 100 page guidebook helps family members, friends, and caregivers to better understand the changes that come with advancing dementia or other impairments in thinking, reasoning or processing information. It also reinforces the impact of Teepa Snow's guidance and person-centered care interventions including the GEMS and Positive Approach to Care techniques. The goal is to provide better support and care practices when someone is living with an ever-changing condition. By appreciating what has changed but leveraging what is still possible, care partners can choose interactions that are more positive, communication that is more productive, and care that is more effective and less challenging for all involved.
Additional images:
Price: $22.84
Take Care of Yourself
Make sure you take at least 10 minutes per day to do something you love to do. I love DIY crafts at the moment. I do that when I can. It is something she can watch me do. I hope you have more time than that but just in case you do not may I suggest one product that I love. It is a splurge item. You are going to need some relief and I wish you all the best in this journey!
Here is my 15-minute Stress Tamer
Shiatsu Foot Massager Machine with Heat – Electric Deep Kneading Massage Air Compression Stocking Stuffer – Circulation, Feet Legs, Plantar Fasciitis, Neuropathy Chronic Nerve Pain Therapy Spa Gift
INFRARED HEAT FUNCTION (might take several sessions to heat up) - Improve blood circulation, relieve muscle tension, tired feet, neuropathy, chronic nerve pain and plantar fasciitis by turning on the heat function.
ADJUSTABLE INTENSITY - Whether you just want an easy relaxing leg massage, or a deep tissue shiatsu kneading massage - you can easily adjust the intensity of the message and choose between 3 different pressure levels!
SHIATSU MASSAGE & AIR COMPRESSION - 2 independent foot chambers provide a wonderful combination of shiatsu kneading and rolling massage therapy, while the air pressure applies pressure to all parts of the foot.
Additional images:
Price: $108.97
